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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I roll into town early, like 7 AM. First thing I notice? The smell. Not the fresh pine I’m used to. Nah, it’s more like street food and exhaust fumes. I’m like, “What the heck is that?” Turns out, it’s the food stalls on Sinan’s main drag, Gwangju-ro. I’m starving, so I hit up this little stand. They got tteokbokki that’s to die for. Spicy, chewy, and just the right amount of sauce. I’m in heaven, man.

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